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 JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.

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Tobitake
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PostSubject: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:39 pm

her you can write funny jokes and stuff that people can laugh about! Laughing
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Alwynn
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:46 pm

I believe, guns dont kill people. Husbands who come home early do.

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Kisame
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:52 pm

Why did the Bored guy toss this Clock out of the window??



TO SE HOW THE TIME FLYED



HAHAHAHA Laughing lol! Laughing
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Tobitake
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 3:56 pm

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.


The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"
Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Tobitake
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 3:59 pm

Tarzan, King of the Elephant Trunk

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"
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Tobitake
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:13 pm

How to Impress a Woman/Man

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.




lol! found it on the internett
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Tobitake
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:45 pm

Blind, Blonde, & Ballsy

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times." Laughing
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Helagalas
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:56 pm

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK ELF IF....

Elrond throws you out of Rivendell for ruining his garden with your three-wheel ATV.
You deep fry your lembas cakes and eat 'em with fatback.
You ask Cirdan the Shipwright what the limit is on bass fishing at the Grey Havens.
You leave your gaudy Yuletide decorations on your flet all year round.
You own a velvet painting of Gil-galad.
When you have had a drop too much ale, you taunt mortals at the Prancing Pony with "Well, at least I ain't gonna die like the rest of you dudes!"
Your elven steed has a bumper sticker that reads "I don't brake for dwarves."
You were expelled from Lothlorien for cutting down the mallorns for firewood.
You and some of your buddies regularly sneak up to the Black Gate, and egg it, then ride off really fast

HOBBIT HAIR
A small hobbit walks in the doctorís office.
"What can I do for you?" the doctor asks.
The hobbit answers unhappily: "Iím losing my hair.."
The doctor takes a quick look at his hair and smiles: "No chance that you will get bald. Your hair is thick, healthy and shiny!!"
The hobbit angrily replies: "Not on my head, doc. On my feet..."


CHICKEN HUMOR
The hobbit farmerís son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined little boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real good, son," the hobbit farmer beamed. "You left home with seven."


A dwarf and a hobbit are walking down a road. The dwarf has a big potato sack over his shoulder. The hobbit decided to ask what was in the sack. When he asked, the dwarf said, "I got some chickens for dinner tonight...Mmmm, Mmmm." The hobbit wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack. "Well, Iíll tell you," replied the dwarf, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this sack, Iíll give them both to you."


THE SALES HOBBIT
A hobbit walks into a store and says, "Got any mushrooms?"
The sales hobbit looks at the hobbit and says, "Sorry, we are all out of mushrooms"
So the hobbit leaves. The next day he comes back in and says "Got any mushrooms?"
The sales hobbit looks at him again and says yet again, "No, I am sorry we do not have any mushroom."
So the hobbit goes back home and comes back the next day and says "Got any mushrooms?"
The sales hobbit, getting very frustrated, says, "NO! We do not have any mushrooms and if you come back here again asking for mushrooms, I will cut the hair off your feet!"
So the hobbit leaves and the next day he comes back and says, "Got any scissors?"
The sales hobbit responds, "No, I'm sorry we, are out of scissors"
Then the hobbit replies, "Oh.. in that case, got any mushrooms?"


THE ELF AND THE GENIE
One day, this elf was walking along the beach when he found this lamp. When he rubbed the lamp, a magic genie came out and offered to grant him one wish. "Go on," said the genie. "Anything you want."

"Ok, then" the elf said. "My wife and I have always wanted to go to Valinor, but she tends to get horrible sea-sickness and canít stand being on a boat. Can you build me a bridge from the Grey Havens all the way to Valinor so that we can ride our horses there?"

The genie thought for a moment. "I donít think I can do it. Valinor is a magical place. It would be impossible to build a bridge along that secret path. Plus, what would happen if some of the other races decided to use the bridge? Valinor would be overrun and it would cause havoc. No, you will have to think of something else."

"Yes, I understand. I thought of another wish," the elf said. "I have always been fascinated by the orcs. I feel rather sorry for them really. They are such a lowly form of life. I wish that they could learn to be more like the other, more civilized races of Middle Earth. I wish that they could learn to appreciate family, friends, music, and art. I wish that they saw how pointless it was to kill and use so much violence against innocent people. I wish that the orcs had peace and prosperity and could get along with all of the other races."

The elf was very happy that he could use his wish to make a difference in so many peopleís lives, but the genie didnít say anything. For a long time he was silent, just thinking. Finally, he said, "So, about that wish...did you want that bridge 2 lanes, or 4?"

How many hobbits does it take to change a light bulb?
One to complain that the light bulb isn't working.
Five to hold a meeting to decide what to do about it.
Twenty to form an expedition to the fabled Light bulb mines of Mithrill.
Thirty to throw a going away party.
One to ask Gandalf for directions.
One to sell into slavery when the petty cash runs out.
Five to get lost through natural wastage (bandits, orcs, wargs, etc.)
One to throw to the dragon that guards the Light bulb Mine
Two to carry the light bulbs.
Five to find a large, sword-wielding barbarian to escort the light bulbs home.
Thirty to throw a safe return party.
Five to find an elf tall enough to change the light bulb.
Five to compose ballads of daring, heroism, sacrifice, and light bulbs.
Finally, another two-hundred to appear in the subsequent of Tolkien's books.

Ok stolen unashamedly from http://www.homescholar.org/Hobbit%20Humor.htm
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Alwynn
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:06 pm

haha good one, I love redneck jokes

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Alwydd
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:47 pm

A squaddie in tour in Iraq has been battling the insurgency for almost a year. One day, he receives a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she writes thats shes been sleeping with two other guys while he's been away and wants to break up with him. She also asks thats he sends back her picture.
So the soldier does what any fighting man should do. He goes around all the other soldiers and asks each of them for a picture of their girlfriends. He then posts 25 pictures to his girlfriend with a letter reading "I'm really really sorry, but
I can't remember which one you are so if you could remove your photo and send the rest back I would be very happy"

bounce
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PostSubject: Re: JOKES!!!! do u have any jokes plz come here and share them.   

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